One of the fastest ways to get to know someone and understand what makes them tick, is to talk to them about their personal values. If you ask the right questions and listen well, you will reach a level of depth and unlock profound insights into their thinking, worldview and decision-making within minutes.
And this is exactly why I take the time to start every new client relationship with a structured and systematic values exploration.
But wanting to understand you better won’t be the only reason I give you a set of 80 values cards and step you through a multi-layered exercise designed to help you identify your top 10 values and how they relate to each other. Most importantly, I want to give you an opportunity to slow down and find time in the middle of our fast-paced, noisy, distracting world to look inside, reflect and ask yourself the type of questions that demand more than just a quick or superficial assessment. My role is to create a safe space, provide you with some useful tools and a few simple guiding rules, and let you connect with your inner truth.
The thing is, your values have a significant and daily impact on everything you do. They shape your decisions and judgements, what you expect of yourself and other people, how you show up in relationships, and your goals in life, both big and small. Your values are inherently connected to your identity and drive your behaviour and choices, whether you are aware of them or not.
Another way to think about your core values is this: They are the measuring sticks by which you assess the quality and success of your life. But despite their critical importance to our wellbeing and life satisfaction, people often go through life without putting much thought to what their values are. The risk of not being clear about your core values is that you may not realise when they are about to be compromised, undermined, or violated. Instead, you may find yourself repeatedly in situations that do not feel right or that make you uncomfortable, often without being able to put your finger on what is exactly going on. Or you struggle with making key decisions because you are not sure how you feel about potential consequences. People often describe it as feeling a bit “rudderless” in life, unsure about what their purpose is.
These feelings can be a clear message or even warning sign for to stop and reflect on what is happening, and where you are heading. Are you spending our time and energy in the right areas? Are you behaving in a way that is aligned with our priorities? Do your choices reflect your core sense of right and wrong? And what goals should we set for yourself?
These are not easy questions, and we often try to ignore, avoid, or suppress them and just soldier on – which keeps us caught in the hamster wheel of life, forever running and never realising we are stuck because we believe we are too busy to stop and take a good look around.
Another way to conceptualise the purpose of personal values: Think of them as your compass in life. They provide direction when making important decisions (e.g., if you should take this job, make that purchase, or whether to seek out or try to avoid a particular experience) and setting meaningful goals for yourself – the type of goals that bring you closer to the person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live.
Knowing your values is about always being able to identify the direction you need to take. It matters because life tends to keep putting us in unknown territory, often without providing a clear map. Connecting with your core values is a powerful exercise that puts the compass firmly back in your hand so that you know what direction to take.
A further important point we explore in coaching is that values move your life in a positive, meaningful and rewarding direction if you balance them out and use them flexibly instead of turning them into rigid rules.
So, I invite you to reflect on your personal values. Your answer to the following questions will provide you with some clues:
Which of your achievements or past actions are you most proud of, and why?
Who are the people do you admire or respect most, and what is it about them (e.g. certain behaviours or qualities) that you appreciate?
If you could make one wish, what would you ask for? What does this tell you about your priorities?
How do your choices differ from the choices other people make (e.g. your family, friends, or peers), and what are the different values reflected in these actions or decisions?
Are you ready to take a deeper dive into your values and set goals that are intrinsically rewarding, meaningful and transformative?
